Substituting One Addiction for Another
Substituting One Addiction for Another!
Yes, I have triumphed over my excessive shopping habit, emerging victorious from that consumerist haze. Now, I only buy what I need—and occasionally indulge in a little something I truly want and will use wisely. Giving up an addiction doesn’t mean I have to become a monk, right? But therein lies the danger: when you release one habit, it’s all too easy to grasp onto another, perhaps even more subtle one. That’s exactly what I thought I had sidestepped—until the truth began to unravel before me.
In my quest to fill the void within me with healthier alternatives, I soon realized I was merely swapping one form of excess for another. Verna often looked at me incredulously as I piled my plate high with vibrant vegetables, snacking with reckless abandon until I felt like I had swallowed a soccer ball. Our conversations morphed into a comedic routine where we dissected my bloated state, pinning the blame on everything from pickled cabbage to the notorious popcorn that just wouldn’t digest. “No, it’s definitely the broccoli and cauliflower causing the gas!” we’d laugh, while I munched mindlessly in front of the TV. In those moments, I even entertained the idea that menopause might be the culprit—yes, let’s blame it on hormones!
Ah, the television—my new companion in this ironic saga. I found myself binge-watching health documentaries, convincing myself I was on a path to enlightenment. Yet hours slipped away unnoticed, leaving my eyes square and my head throbbing from the bright screen. “It’s educational!” I’d insist, but deep down, I recognized it for what it was: another form of escapism. I had traded browsing Takealot for the flickering allure of Netflix and YouTube, feeling a swell of pride for having conquered my shopping addiction, all the while blind to this new pitfall. Not even my green avocado Lazyboy recliner, that I sold, has curbed this habit. Now while temporarily using the most uncomfortable chair while waiting for our old antiques to be reupholstered—I still find myself binge watching, last night being a classic example of this!
Today, for the first time, I admitted my struggles to Verna. I tried to articulate the weight of what I was feeling—the overwhelming urge to fill my time and my stomach every evening, yet still feeling emptier than ever. “I think I might be replacing one addiction with another,” I said, my voice shaky as the truth bubbled to the surface. Verna listened intently, but even she seemed a bit perplexed, struggling to grasp the full extent of my internal battle. “But you’re eating healthy now!” she replied, her brow furrowed in confusion. I could see she wanted to support me, but the depth of my struggle was hard to convey. It felt as if I was speaking a language only half-formed in my mind. If she couldn’t understand what I was trying to say, would anyone else? It’s a little like trying to explain quantum physics to a fish moth! Although a fish moth probably knows more than we do.
As I wrestled with this realization, I confronted an uncomfortable truth: I still hadn’t addressed the underlying void. After all, why did my friends affectionately refer to me as “the vacuum cleaner” when it came to my eating habits? “Wow, you can eat anything! You must have a super high metabolism!” If only they knew the inner turmoil I was grappling with. I would chuckle along, deflecting the truth with humor, but inside, I was a swirling storm of confusion.
Now, the pressing question looms: How do I navigate this tangled web of mindless eating and excessive screen time? What the heck is the VOID I am needing to fill. Yesterday was a prime example of my struggle. Should I document my battles as they unfold, or take a step back to reflect, ensuring I don’t fall into yet another replacement? Perhaps I should wait until I feel more in control before sharing my journey. Maybe I just need a good pair of sweatpants and a sense of humor!
But I think I know the answer: let me rush in where angels fear to tread and attempt to digest this problem on social media. Maybe it’ll be smooth sailing, or perhaps a wild rollercoaster ride filled with exhilarating ups and daunting downs.
So here I am, laying bare my metaphorical “soccer ball” for you all to see. My aim? To transform these struggles into small victories, seeking clarity and connection along the way. I’m ready to explore this journey one day at a time, armed with humor and a hefty dose of reality. After all, if I can’t laugh at my own quirks, what’s the point? Let’s see where this adventure takes me! I’m giving myself the grace to take my time and cultivate understanding, without worrying about anything else.
I must admit, I’m a little baffled by this urge to write and be so open. It’s the last thing I would have expected from myself! Yet, strangely enough, I don’t feel any shame or embarrassment. It just has to come out. When we shine a light on our monsters, they lose their power to frighten us. So here I go, ready to embrace the chaos and find my way through it!
Written by: Laresa Perlman